Goodbye to a Good Man
Dec. 28th, 2007 08:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blueeowynEven though I am writing this in 2008, I will be backdating it later to 2007 where it properly belongs, hence the tags.
Paul David was Java's father but he never went by Paul. I hear that he (and his brother) were slightly annoyed that their given first names weren't their names. He went by David everywhere he could, even signing P. David on most things that he couldn't just use David. This, of course, led to problems in emergency situations where someone would try to get his attention by calling him Paul and his wife would have to correct them.
David was a family man with family values in the best sense of the words. He valued family and his family in particular. He and his wife were true life partners in many ways. They were together for 50 years and married for 43.5 years. He loved and supported his children. He may not have agreed with some of their choices but he loved them and let them know he loved them. He loved his sisters-in-law and his mother-in-law. He welcomed his sons and daughters in law with open arms. He loved his grandchildren and did his best to help them see that love and respect were where the real value of life is, not money or presents. Unfortunately, the 3 youngest are probably not old enough to really internalize his teachings (though the oldest of them might get some of it ... 4.5 is sort of at that border age).
While he and I did NOT see eye to eye on several issues; I respected his stances because I could see where they came from. I will admit to feeling some pity for him for being sold the proverbial story but I got it.
He loved his country and his community. He was a fixture in all the communities he lived in. Through his work with his children and their activities, he was very active in many things. He would coach little league games and his wife would work the concessions as they both supported their family emotionally and with their presence. He gave up some opportunities at work because it would have been too much for the family. However, he did take one major change at work in part to support his family. He was given 2 choices on where to go and he chose the one with the better school systems and living areas and they moved from West Virginia to Maryland (with ~3.8 children). Yes, it worked out that they moved just before their final child was born. Once here, he still remained active in his children's activities. He would go to games, recitals, and plays. He sold things for the booster clubs. They opened their house to many friends of the kids, some of which became almost additional adopted children (including the niece who moved here).
Even after the last child graduated from high school, David remained a fierce supporter of the school. He tutored many student athletes to prepare them for their SATs. Students who thought they had no chance of getting into college would be able to attend because of the work he did with them. He never accepted money for it (though the kids became clever at gifts they could give him). His last tutoring sessions were earlier in the fall, just before his diagnosis. After his first trip to the hospital (stayed two weeks); the coach arranged to have him attend a football game, sitting in his van on the sidelines of the game). It was the first play-off game for the High School Football Team. They won and made a run at the state championship (no, they didn't win). Many, many people came to the van to visit with David and let him know that they cared.
He supported the university where 3 out of 4 children went (the last snuck off to Wake Forest but we mostly forgive him for that, he did get a scholarship). Going to concerts as all 3 of the kids were in various band activities. Going to plays/performances that Java was in. Getting season tickets through the athletics club for football games and taking various members of the family to games for togetherness and support of the team.
He was a kind and gentle man who had respect for people as individuals. Even though I am not of the faith that most of the family is; he respected that and didn't preach (which is rare). He welcomed his son-in-law who is of another faith.
He did everything he could to help the weddings of his children. The girls got huge weddings with all the trimmings. He arranged the rental of the place where Java and I wed (and paid for it over my protests). He would co-sign loans if necessary; offer advice based on his experiences and do everything he could to help his family.
After he was diagnosed, his focus was on making the transition as easy as possible on the family. Making sure that his wife would be taken care of (I think he made all 8 of us promise to help her out/take care of her). He made sure that we all knew he loved us and loved having us in his life. He wanted to make sure that this Christmas was special and yet normal. Certain 'standard' gifts had to be gotten even if he couldn't be the one to go get them (on the way home from the doctor he would insist on stopping at this store or that and having this or that bought for stockings).
His legacy to me is the honor and integrity of his eldest son. My beloved supports me as his father supported his mother and their children. His respect and tolerance for my 'strange' ways. His desire to see that everything goes well is helping bring the family together in new ways and teaching me (and I suspect the rest) a lot about planning, loving, living, and dying.
He slipped away from us all too early in some ways; but it is a blessing that he didn't suffer like we all feared. The funeral was beautiful and so many people came. We were all a little surprised and extremely gratified by the outpouring of love and support for this quiet man who didn't try to stand out but stood up for what he believed in.
The chorus of Hero by David Crosby sums up some of it.
Paul David was Java's father but he never went by Paul. I hear that he (and his brother) were slightly annoyed that their given first names weren't their names. He went by David everywhere he could, even signing P. David on most things that he couldn't just use David. This, of course, led to problems in emergency situations where someone would try to get his attention by calling him Paul and his wife would have to correct them.
David was a family man with family values in the best sense of the words. He valued family and his family in particular. He and his wife were true life partners in many ways. They were together for 50 years and married for 43.5 years. He loved and supported his children. He may not have agreed with some of their choices but he loved them and let them know he loved them. He loved his sisters-in-law and his mother-in-law. He welcomed his sons and daughters in law with open arms. He loved his grandchildren and did his best to help them see that love and respect were where the real value of life is, not money or presents. Unfortunately, the 3 youngest are probably not old enough to really internalize his teachings (though the oldest of them might get some of it ... 4.5 is sort of at that border age).
While he and I did NOT see eye to eye on several issues; I respected his stances because I could see where they came from. I will admit to feeling some pity for him for being sold the proverbial story but I got it.
He loved his country and his community. He was a fixture in all the communities he lived in. Through his work with his children and their activities, he was very active in many things. He would coach little league games and his wife would work the concessions as they both supported their family emotionally and with their presence. He gave up some opportunities at work because it would have been too much for the family. However, he did take one major change at work in part to support his family. He was given 2 choices on where to go and he chose the one with the better school systems and living areas and they moved from West Virginia to Maryland (with ~3.8 children). Yes, it worked out that they moved just before their final child was born. Once here, he still remained active in his children's activities. He would go to games, recitals, and plays. He sold things for the booster clubs. They opened their house to many friends of the kids, some of which became almost additional adopted children (including the niece who moved here).
Even after the last child graduated from high school, David remained a fierce supporter of the school. He tutored many student athletes to prepare them for their SATs. Students who thought they had no chance of getting into college would be able to attend because of the work he did with them. He never accepted money for it (though the kids became clever at gifts they could give him). His last tutoring sessions were earlier in the fall, just before his diagnosis. After his first trip to the hospital (stayed two weeks); the coach arranged to have him attend a football game, sitting in his van on the sidelines of the game). It was the first play-off game for the High School Football Team. They won and made a run at the state championship (no, they didn't win). Many, many people came to the van to visit with David and let him know that they cared.
He supported the university where 3 out of 4 children went (the last snuck off to Wake Forest but we mostly forgive him for that, he did get a scholarship). Going to concerts as all 3 of the kids were in various band activities. Going to plays/performances that Java was in. Getting season tickets through the athletics club for football games and taking various members of the family to games for togetherness and support of the team.
He was a kind and gentle man who had respect for people as individuals. Even though I am not of the faith that most of the family is; he respected that and didn't preach (which is rare). He welcomed his son-in-law who is of another faith.
He did everything he could to help the weddings of his children. The girls got huge weddings with all the trimmings. He arranged the rental of the place where Java and I wed (and paid for it over my protests). He would co-sign loans if necessary; offer advice based on his experiences and do everything he could to help his family.
After he was diagnosed, his focus was on making the transition as easy as possible on the family. Making sure that his wife would be taken care of (I think he made all 8 of us promise to help her out/take care of her). He made sure that we all knew he loved us and loved having us in his life. He wanted to make sure that this Christmas was special and yet normal. Certain 'standard' gifts had to be gotten even if he couldn't be the one to go get them (on the way home from the doctor he would insist on stopping at this store or that and having this or that bought for stockings).
His legacy to me is the honor and integrity of his eldest son. My beloved supports me as his father supported his mother and their children. His respect and tolerance for my 'strange' ways. His desire to see that everything goes well is helping bring the family together in new ways and teaching me (and I suspect the rest) a lot about planning, loving, living, and dying.
He slipped away from us all too early in some ways; but it is a blessing that he didn't suffer like we all feared. The funeral was beautiful and so many people came. We were all a little surprised and extremely gratified by the outpouring of love and support for this quiet man who didn't try to stand out but stood up for what he believed in.
The chorus of Hero by David Crosby sums up some of it.
And the reason that she loved him
Was the reason I loved him too
And he never wondered what was
Right or wrong
He just knew
He just knew
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no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 04:17 am (UTC)My love to both of you and your family, sweetie.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 06:58 pm (UTC)